


I'll Always Save You

by kirallie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Hurt Sam Winchester, M/M, Michael as Dean | Dean as Michael, Temporary Character Death, Work Up For Adoption
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-30
Updated: 2017-01-13
Packaged: 2017-11-27 12:30:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 14,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/662027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kirallie/pseuds/kirallie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael never showed up for the apocylpse so they never brought Adam back. When Sam says yes he falls alone and Dean is left behind on earth. He finds a tree that looks really familiar, maybe he shouldn't have touched it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

Dean couldn't do anything as he watched Sam throw himself into the cage. He reached out weakly with a hand to Sam but Sam just smiled softly at him, keeping their eyes locked until the ground rumbled, closing over the opening. Dean collapsed on the ground, battered and bruised inside and out. He couldn't even cry for his baby brother, too grief stricken for the tears to fall. Why? What had he let Sam say yes to that monster? Was it really worth it? Losing his baby brother just to save everyone else? Maybe if they hadn't tried to trick him Lucifer would have agreed to some sort of deal, let the two of them be together during the down times if they swore not to try and stop him. Instead they had gone to him with the Rings and he had known but as soon as Sam had said yes he'd jumped in the kid anyway.

He'd turned on Dean, started bashing him around just for the fun of it and Dean had known he was dead. He'd just stared up at those familiar eyes that no longer held anything of his brother and told Sam it wasn't it his fault. He'd said it over and over and somehow that had been enough. He'd seen Sam's hand coming down to hit him again and then it had stopped, barely an inch from his skin. The hand had trembled, as if fighting to move and Dean had realised he was getting through to Sam so he'd kept talking to him and then Sam, his Sammy, had flooded back into those eyes and had cried at seeing the damage he'd caused. Dean had told him it wasn't his fault and Sam had gently touched his face before backing away, finishing the incantation to open the cage. Dean had screamed, pleaded for Sam not to do it, and dragged himself towards him, missing Sam by inches as his baby brother fell into hell.

He managed to sort of roll over but attempting to sit up made him black out. When he woke it was to find Castiel kneeling over him, removing his hands from his face. Looking up at him Dean frowned, something was….

"Got your wings back." He mumbled and Castiel nodded, helping him up. Dean looked around but there was no evidence of the fight or of Sam's fall.

"I am sorry Dean." Castiel whispered and Dean turned away.

"Whatever. Unless you're here to tell me you can get Sam back I don't really care." Dean told him and Castiel sighed. The flutter of wings signalled his departure but in return the Impala appeared and Dean mustered a tired smile, at least Castiel hadn't left him stranded in a busted warehouse.

Dean got in and just started driving, not headed anywhere in particular. He wasn't headed to Lisa's, despite his promise. He was a mess, he knew it and it wasn't fair to saddle her with trying to fix what couldn't be repaired. So he drove and drove, sleeping in the car when he got too tired to keep going. Eating whatever food was left in the car. He knew he was being stupid, that his actions were gonna get him killed but he didn't care anymore. Without Sam it just wasn't worth it, he needed Sam. He remembered their little trip to Heaven and the revelation they were soul mates. Sam had seemed surprised but Dean hadn't been. It explained the pain he'd felt while Sam was at Stanford and after the kid had died. It made what Sam had done after Dean's own death a lot more understandable too. They'd been patching things up between them the last few months and yeah, they'd still had a ways to go but Dean had stopped getting two beds a few weeks back and Sam had been so hopeful and nervous when he'd done it. Sam hadn't been sure what to expect that first night and then Dean had opened his arms and the kid had burrowed in, just like he always had. They hadn't gotten back to the full intimacy yet but he'd thought another week or so and he would be ready for it, instead Sam was gone, never knowing that Dean had forgiven him everything, that he'd wanted their relationship back and better than it had been. No more going and sleeping with strange girls, he would be Sam's only. But it was too late now.

When Dean pulled over for another night in the backseat he got out to relieve himself but found himself staring at a tree. It was massive, probably over a hundred years old and it seemed to almost call to him. Before he knew what he was doing Dean vaulted the fence and started walking towards it, something about it tugging at his memory. As he touched the trunk and a blinding white light erupted it hit him, the tree looked like Anna's had, but bigger.

He didn't know how much later it was when he finally opened his eyes, laying sprawled beneath the tree. Fighting to hold his human body together had taken a lot of power while trying assimilating the life of Dean Winchester. Things had not gone as he had planned, but then when did they? He got to his feet and looked around, stretching his wings out before concealing them in case little Castiel decided to look in on him for old times sake.

He walked back to the Impala, reaching out to touch it. It was such a big part of Dean Winchester's life however…he felt detached from that life. It made a kind of sense, thirty odd years of mortal life compared to millennia of heaven. He knew what he should do, he should return, take his place as commander and yet…his hand trembled as he saw Sam, smiling gently as he fell towards an eternity he didn't deserve. He knew what he would suffer, a million times worse than anything Dean had gone through in those forty years. He clenched his hand into a fist and walked around to the back of the car, he opened the trunk and pulled out Sam's bag, reaching inside his hand paused as he found something.

He pulled out the envelope, staring at the tear muddied writing. He opened it and stared in awe as a familiar necklace fell out into his hand. He clutched in his hand as he opened the letter, staring at Sam's final words to him. He slipped the amulet over his head and closed his eyes, flexing powers not used in a long time. When he opened his eyes he found himself and the car in front of an empty house, surrounded by a mist to keep anyone else out. He went inside and began setting things up. Sam's books and laptop were placed in the study, their clothes hung together in the wardrobe. Food was put in the kitchen, things he knew from his own experience wouldn't set off too many reminders of hell. Clean, soft towels were laid out in the bathroom in preparation and medical supplies placed beside the large, soft bed.

 

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All of hell trembled as a power never felt before entered. It was different from when Dean Winchester had been pulled out, a million times more powerful. The bearer of such power moved swiftly and unopposed through hell, searching for one particular person. He finally cornered a fairly high ranking demon and it cowered away from him, sensing his anger but shakily pointed deeper, closer to the level where the Cage was. He knew Sam wasn't inside it; the Cage was made to hold only Archangels. Lucifer had been trapped but Sam would have fallen straight through it. He continued his descent, deeper and deeper, his Grace screaming in agony for the souls he passed but he could do nothing for them. At this point he wasn't sure he'd be able to do anything for Sam, the deeper in hell the faster time moved compared to earth. It had been almost a week on earth, in the deepest levels that would be almost a century; could Sam hold out that long when he thought no help was coming?

Finally he entered the level near the cage and he felt it, the call of his soul mate. He moved swiftly, making sure his exact features were blurred; no need to let anyone know what he looked like. But they'd all know who he was. Michael had come to claim one little brother, the other trapped in a cage nearby, screaming in rage as he felt his brothers powers. Demons screamed and fled before him as he walked unerringly towards the broken figure, chained to the rack. The demons ran, leaving the two of them, and he slowly walked closer. The figure whimpered and screamed, trying to move away from him and he forced himself to ignore the cries, undoing the chains as gently as he could. He lifted the broken body into his arms and it struggled weakly, trying to cover sensitive eyes. He pulled his Grace in, not wanting to blind him and then he wrapped his wings around the body of his baby brother, flying up and away from hell.

They reappeared in the house and he gently laid his burden down on the towels he'd put on the bathroom floor earlier. He gently pulled the tattered remains of Sam's clothes off, trying not to cry as he saw the damage done to the slender body. He'd come back without any scares, but Sam had gone bodily to hell, the damage done to not only his soul but his body. Sam screamed, fighting weakly and he gently held him down.

"Sam calm down, it's alright you're safe." He called softly but Sam didn't seem to hear him. Sam continued to cry out and struggle against him as Michael got him into the bath, gently washing away the sulphur and ash of hell as well as the blood from Sam's wounds. "It's okay Sammy, I'm here. No one will ever hurt you again." He swore to him. He dried Sam off as best he could and then carried him into the bedroom, placing him onto the bed so he could tend his wounds. He healed the worst of them and then patched the others up the way he had a thousand times before while in dingy motel rooms. He fought tears as Sam finally succumbed to an exhausted sleep, the first he'd probably had since their last night together. He lay down beside Sam once he was done and gently pulled him into his arms, holding him close. Sam whimpered but didn't wake and he reached out to gently stroke his fingers through the wet hair. He closed his eyes and let his mind drift, Michael or Dean? Neither life had been the happiest, not since Lucifer had betrayed him. But with Sam he had been the happiest he could remember being since Lucifer's Fall. For Sam he would be Dean, he would stay with Sam, Castiel could deal with Heaven.

Sam woke screaming several hours later, writhing in Dean's arms. Hazel eyes were wide open but held nothing human, just animal instinct and it broke Dean's heart. Was it too late?

"Shh Sammy, I'm here. It's me Sam, it's Dean. Don't you know me?" He asked, gently cupping Sam's face. Sam just continued to scream and Dean let him go, watching sadly as Sam crawled away, falling off the bed and crawling into the corner were he curled up, fearful eyes locked on Dean where he sat on the bed. "I don't know what to do Sam, how to help you. Ridiculous huh? Big bag Archangel, hunter…..none of it helps. I'm so sorry Sam, so sorry. I just want you back, I lost one little brother, I can't lose you too. If I hadn't left Heaven, maybe this would never have happened but then I'd never have known you and I can't give you up. You're my soul mate Sammy, I can't live without you, I don't want to. I'm gonna get you back, I won't give up on you, just like you never gave up on me after I came back. I know what happened to you was so much worse, but I refuse to believe you're gone. No matter how long it takes, I'll help you get back to normal." Dean told him but Sam made no response, just watching him warily. Dean got up and went into the bathroom, coming back with a glass of water. He knelt close by to Sam, who tensed up, making odd little mewling noises of distress. He put the glass down and nudged it towards Sam. "Its water Sammy, you need to drink kiddo." He called but Sam just huddled in his corner. Dean sighed and went back to the bed, sad that Sam felt safer with him further away. He had always made Sam feel safe before, it hurt that he was the one making Sam scared now.

 

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Dean watched as Sam crouched over his food, tearing into it like a wild animal, one eye always on Dean. Sam had stopped screaming whenever Dean moved close but he still lashed out any time Dean tried to touch him or got too close. At least he'd finally gotten hungry and thirsty enough to take food and water. Every time Sam drifted off Dean moved him to the bed, only for Sam to run back to his corner when he woke up. It had been months and yet Sam wasn't improving. Dean didn't know what to do; Sam's soul was far more damaged than anyone who had been removed from hell. He hadn't become a demon but he had been fairly close, not from torturing others but from the damage they'd inflicted on him. They hadn't needed Sam to break the way they had Dean, they'd just been content to make him one of them while taking all their rage for Lucifer's re-imprisonment out on him.

Dean sat down as close as Sam would allow him to without lashing out, leaning his head back against the wall, closing his eyes. He'd found that if he ignored Sam's presence the kid wouldn't react to him as badly, though he'd still watch him warily. Dean fought to keep his eyes shut as something different happened. He held his breath as shaking, warm skin brushed against his. He cracked an eye open to see Sam crouched beside him, one hand ghosting over Dean's. He let his hand move, flopping down so that it rested palm up. Sam froze, growling softly but when Dean stayed still and quiet Sam's hand came back. When Sam's hand rested more heavily against his Dean curled his fingers, entwining their fingers. Sam froze, whimpering fearfully, but Dean just stayed still, praying Sam would accept the gentle touch. Sam stayed crouched beside him, frozen and whimpering in fear but at least he wasn't trying to hit or bite Dean so that had to be an improvement, right?

Eventually Sam had to shift around so that he was kneeling instead of crouching but he didn't pull his hand away even though he was still whimpering fearfully. Dean stayed still and calm, his eyes closed as if asleep and he was shocked when Sam eventually lay down beside him, eyes drifting shut. Had Sam recognised him or was he just getting used to the fact that Dean wouldn't hurt him? Dean stayed as he was while Sam slept, not wanting to startle him awake by moving. Sam slept for a few hours before his eyes snapped open and he looked around warily.

"Hey Sammy." Dean whispered and hazel eyes studied him closely. Dean held his breath, waiting for Sam's reaction. Sam clumsily got to his knees without releasing Dean's hand, and moved a little closer. Dean waited, staring at Sam without making eye contact fully. He didn't want to spook him or make him think he was being challenged since the kid was acting like an animal still. When a hesitant hand poked his shoulder he stayed still and Sam frowned, poking him again. "What's wrong?" He asked and Sam whimpered. "Shh, it's okay, you're safe Sammy." He soothed and Sam bit his lip before touching Dean's face. Dean took the chance of leaning into Sam's touch, rubbing his cheek against Sam's hand. Sam froze, eyes wide, but then pulled back and stared at his hand and then down at their joined hands. He seemed almost confused about something but Dean wasn't sure what. "Please Sam, let me know you're in there." Dean pleaded but Sam withdrew, going back to his corner and Dean hid his face in his hands, fighting tears.

TBC…


	2. 2

Dean gently ran his hand over Sam's hair, trying to soothe him but Sam kept moving restlessly in his sleep, obviously locked in a nightmare. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, reaching out into Sam's dreams like Lucifer once had. What he found made him feel sick, Sam may physically be out of hell but it lived on in his dreams. He looked around and then focused his power, gently soothing away the memories and searching desperately for happier ones to replace them but to his horror hell was all he could find. Had it been so long Sam had forgotten life on Earth entirely? Had Sam forgotten him? Even with the nightmares gone he could feel Sam's fear and he needed to do something more. So he brought up his own memories of their life together, letting them play through Sam's dreams. He hoped they would either help Sam remember or at least be enough to ease his fear and help him start trusting Dean to some extent. As he felt Sam starting to wake he withdrew from his mind and then moved back to his normal spot by the wall after getting Sam's breakfast for him.

Sam woke up instantly, eyes darting around, searching for threats but Dean held still, used to that behaviour by now. Sam moved into a crouch and then pulled the plate closer, eating quickly while keeping an eye on Dean. Once he was done he scrambled to his normal corner to sit huddled up but still ready to move if anything happened.

"Sam." Dean called gently, wanting to see if the dreams had changed anything even though he assumed it would take weeks at least for them to do so. Sam stared at him but there was no recognition in his eyes, he had just reacted to the noise. "Sammy it's me, Dean. Can you understand me?" He asked anyway and Sam made a soft growling noise, tensing up. Dean sighed but fell silent, leaning his head back against the wall. He hid a smile when Sam once again crawled slowly closer as the day progressed. Sam didn't touch him this time and that was disappointing but at least the kid was getting closer to him.

Every night Dean used his Grace to sooth Sam's dreams and show him memories of them together and every day Sam was the same, unable to understand him and still acting like an animal. It took two months for something more to change.

Dean entered Sam's dreams as usual and gently soothed the nightmares away but before he could start the memory show something caught his attention. There, broken up but present was a memory of something other than hell. Dean gently caught onto it, tugging it into Sam's dreams and felt the tears gathered as he saw them both as children, Dean sheltering Sam with his body from something. He smiled shakily at the memory as it played out, skipping now and then, like an old video that was degraded by time. He felt Sam starting to wake so he pulled out but stayed beside Sam. Hazel eyes snapped open and Sam scrambled away but Dean gently grabbed him, pulling him into his arms the same way kid Dean had held little Sam and his Sam froze. Sam was shaking in his arms, making panicky little mewling sounds, almost hyperventilating and Dean started to gently rock him.

"It's okay Sammy, it's me, it's Dean. I'm not going to hurt you." Dean whispered, rubbing Sam's back gently, trying to calm him down. Sam went still, hazel eyes wide with terror as he stared at Dean. "It's me Sammy, come on kiddo." Dean pleaded and Sam opened his mouth. Dean held his breath and then Sam screamed in fear. Dean closed his eyes but let Sam go and Sam scrambled away to his corner, hugging his knees to his chest as he rocked, whimpering in fear. Dean buried his head in his hands, he'd been so sure that Sam would recognise the position from his memory but all he'd done was scare him half to death. "I'm sorry Sam, I'm sorry, thought you'd recognise me but you don't, do you. I don't know what else to do Sammy. I just want you to get better and I don't even know if that's possible." Dean whispered and then nearly jumped as he felt a hesitant touch to his arm. He lowered his hands to stare at Sam who was crouched in front of him, head cocked to one side. "Sammy?" Dean choked out and Sam chewed at his lip before taking hold of Dean's hand and tugging. Dean went with it, letting Sam pull him into his corner and then he sat beside him, watching as Sam traced out a line in front of them. "A line…..a salt line? You want a salt line there kiddo?" Dean asked and then caused one to appear. Sam blinked, touching the salt curiously before smiling, the first really human expression Dean had seen him make. Sam was calmer than Dean had seen him and that was good, if he'd realised salt would help he would have salted the place months ago. They sat beside each other, close but not touching, as Sam stared out into the room. Dean cautiously leant closer and Sam stiffened but didn't push away so Dean took it as a victory. They sat like that for hours until Sam started to get sleepy, his head slumping to the side to rest on Dean's shoulder. Sam jerked awake but Dean reached out to gently tug him down until Sam's head was in his lap. Sleepy, fear filled eyes stared up at him even as Dean helped ease Sam into sleep. He held Sam and other than soothing his nightmare away he stayed out of his head for a change, wanting to see if any other memories might emerge unaided. He cradled Sam close and closed his eyes, letting his mind rest.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bobby raised his shotgun, relaxing as he recognised the angel now standing in his living room.

"What do you want?" He asked as Castiel stared at him.

"Where is Dean?" The angel asked and Bobby's heart stopped for a second.

"What do you mean where is he? I haven't seen him since he and Sam went to trap Lucifer. I figured he was doing as Sam asked, living safe from the hunt." Bobby answered. Yeah he'd been upset that Dean hadn't so much as called but he could understand his reasons but if Castiel didn't know where he was…..

"I have not seen him since I healed him from Lucifer's beating." Castiel stated and Bobby felt a flash of pain, how much worse had that beaten felt for Dean since it was his baby brother's body doing it?

"You're telling me Dean's been missing a year and you're only just telling me!" he demanded angrily and Castiel just stared at him.

"He is no longer my charge. I have been occupied in Heaven."

"Well he's got to be alive somewhere, if he'd died you'd know right?"

"Only if he came to Heaven again. If he committed suicide…"

"No way, Dean would not kill himself!" Bobby spat and Castiel finally moved a little, shifting his weight.

"Suicide by hunt is still suicide."

"But why? He'd know better than anyone that going to hell wouldn't reunite him with Sam, Sam's in the cage."

"No. The cage would only trap Lucifer, Sam would have fallen through."

"So why didn't you yank him out?" Bobby snarled.

"Why? He did what he was meant to."

"Get out! To think we all trusted you, you bastard! I only want to see you again if you have both brothers safe and sound." Bobby growled out and the angel vanished. Bobby slumped against the wall, fighting tears. He should have looked for Dean, made him come stay for a while; instead he may have lost both boys forever.

TBC…


	3. 3

Dean sat beside Sam behind the salt line as Sam ate, happy that Sam would now let him close while he was eating. But he knew it wasn't because Sam knew who he was. Despite the fact that Sam had two childhood memories he didn't seem able to grasp that the person with him was an adult Dean. But at least Sam was no longer as afraid of him, obviously the fact that he wouldn't hurt him had finally sunk in to a point and it had only taken what? A year? Not that Dean was really paying any attention to the time passing in the outside world.

"Sammy?" Dean called and Sam looked over at him, more curious than fearful now. "Hey kiddo, can you understand me?" He asked like he did every few days but Sam's expression remained blank and Dean sighed, slowly reaching out to him. Sam didn't flinch but watched his hand very closely as it came to rest on Sam's shoulder. Sam tensed but didn't try to pull away so Dean gently tugged him into his arms. "That's it Sammy, you're okay." He whispered, rubbing Sam's back. Sam was tense and his breathing had picked up a bit but he didn't scream as Dean continued to whisper to him. Dean froze as Sam raised a shaking hand to touch his face but then smiled and leant into Sam's touch, letting him explore his features. "It's me Sammy, its De." He whispered, using the name Sam had given him when he was little, hoping it would connect with Sam's memories. Sam frowned as he stared at Dean and Dean sighed, gently grasping Sam's hand and softly kissing his fingers, making Sam's eyes widen in surprise. "Love you Sammy, please understand that." Dean pleaded and Sam's fingers moved to touch the single tear that fell. Dean took his hand away, staring at the moisture on his fingers before licking it off. Sam frowned again, tasting the salt in the water, staring up at Dean. Sam opened his mouth, his lips moving like he was trying to talk and Dean's heart leapt into his throat.

"Urg….uh…." They weren't words but they weren't screams either so Dean so it as an improvement.

"You're getting there Sammy. It's okay kiddo." Dean whispered.

 

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Dean stroked a hand through Sam's hair, grimacing at the length but he wouldn't try to cut it until Sam could understand, he didn't want the kid to freak out. He made sure Sam would stay asleep and then vanished from the house, deciding it was time he see what was going on outside their little bubble. He reappeared in Bobby's living room, invisible to human senses. He looked around fondly, searching for the hunter.

"People don't just vanish you idjit! Even if….even if he's dead there'll be a body somewhere." He heard and walked into the kitchen to find Bobby on the phone. He looked upset and a lot older than Dean remembered. He watched as Bobby slammed the phone down and took a drink from a bottle of whisky. "Damn it!" He muttered angrily and Dean could feel the grief and rage coming from him. "You better be alive Dean." That made Dean freeze. Bobby was looking for him? Dean shook his head, of course he was. Dean took a deep breath and then appeared.

"Bobby." He called softly and the man spun around, going white. "Whoa, easy Bobby, it's me." Dean assured him, keeping his hands in sight. Bobby scrambled up, backing away from him while searching for a weapon.

"What are you?" Bobby growled out, backing away as Dean took a step closer.

"Bobby it's me, it's okay. I'm not gonna hurt you, I just came to see you." Dean told him as Bobby finally grabbed a knife. "Want to test?" Dean held out his arm steadily. "I'm not a shape shifter or a revenant. Christo, so not a demon either." Dean explained, staying still as Bobby swiftly made a cut in his arm, red human blood seeping out. Dean had managed to keep his body functioning at a mostly human level so unlike when they'd shot Castiel he would bleed, if only for a very short time.

"Dean?" Bobby whispered and he nodded.

"I'm sorry Bobby, I should have called. A lot's happened and….." he trailed off with a shrug and then he was wrapped up in a tight hug. Dean hugged Bobby back, subtly scanning him and healing the liver damage he found from the amount of alcohol he'd been drinking the last few years.

"Damn it boy! Where the hell have you been? Castiel showed up last month and even he didn't know!" Bobby yelled at him and Dean sighed, moving to sit at the table, Bobby following him.

"Bobby I never meant to worry you. I'm sorry. I've been really busy and…..everything else just sort of fell by the side."

"Busy with what?" Bobby demanded and Dean took a deep breath.

"Looking after Sam." Dean answered and Bobby stared at him.

"Sam? How? What did you do!" Bobby demanded fearfully.

"I got him out, no deal." Dean answered.

"So where is he?"

"Safe. He….Bobby he's….you know how I was done there for decades?" He asked and Bobby nodded. "Sam was even deeper in, time flowed even faster. He's not a demon but he's not Sammy. He's getting better but at first…..he was like a wild animal. He can't talk; he doesn't understand anything I say. But he's calmed down a lot, he'll let me touch him now as long as he sees it coming." Dean explained and Bobby closed his eyes in pain, remembering Sam from before.

"Dean what did you do?"

"I went in after him." Dean told him, unable to tell him the whole truth yet. He was scared he realised, scared that Bobby would no longer care about him if he knew the truth of who, what Dean really was. Bobby went white and clutched at the table.

"You…..Dean explain right now!" Bobby demanded and Dean stared at the table top. "Dean, son…..what have you done?" He asked in a near whisper and Dean looked back up at him.

"Don't be afraid, please." Dean whispered as he stood and Bobby stared in shock as the shadow of massive wings appeared behind Dean.

"Who…who are you? Get out of him!" Bobby demanded and Dean walked over to him, wings once more totally invisible, dropping to his knees beside Bobby's chair.

"It's me Bobby, I'm still Dean." He swore as Bobby stared at him, taking in the features of the man he knew and trying to work out who was the one in the drivers' seat.

"I don't…" Bobby trailed off.

"Please Bobby, you're the closest thing we have left to family." Dean told him and Bobby reached out with a shaking hand to grip his shoulder.

"The wings…..you're an angel." He whispered and Dean nodded, eyes focused on Bobby and the hunter was surprised to see fear in them. An angel wouldn't have any reason to be scared….but Dean would. "How?"

"I…..it's complicated. But I guess you could say I pulled the same trick Anna did, just a long time before she did." Dean explained and Bobby's eyes went even wider.

"Are you…you were an angel….before?" He stuttered out and Dean nodded, watching him closely.

"Archangel actually." Dean admitted, waiting for Bobby to put it all together, not wanting to have to say it himself. Bobby frowned, staring at him and then it seemed to click, only one archangel was unaccounted for after all.

"Michael?" He breathed and Dean nodded.

TBC….


	4. 4

"Michael?" He breathed and Dean nodded. Dean waited nervously for Bobby to do something, say something but the hunter seemed frozen in shock.

"Bobby? Say something please. It's still me." Dean whispered, not moving from where he was kneeling in front of the man he saw as a second father. Well, third now really. Bobby finally blinked, his hand shaking a little more as he swallowed.

"I….who are you? Dean or Michael?" Bobby choked out and Dean smiled at him.

"Both. I have all Michael's memories, powers but…I wanted to be Dean so I am. Please Bobby." He pleaded and then he was being pulled into a hug. Dean closed his eyes, enjoying the human contact and happy Bobby wasn't kicking him out. "Thank you." Dean breathed but Bobby still heard him as he pulled back, quickly wiping at his eyes.

"So how'd this happen? You said something about pulling an Anna?" Bobby asked and Dean got up to sit in his chair again.

"Yeah, she was right by the way ripping your Grace out hurts like hell. I set things up in advance so no one would ever find me. This was a couple of centuries ago; I've just been going from life to life. I die and then get born again, no going to Heaven so they can't find me. It was my way of avoiding fighting Lucifer, I thought if I wasn't there they wouldn't release him since I had to fight and kill him. Shows how wrong I was huh? Anyway Sam…..he managed to grab control back from Lucifer and open the cage. Stupid kid just stepped back off the edge, even smiled at me as he was falling; trying to say it would be okay. Tried to go after him but it closed and I blacked out. Woke up to Castiel leaning over me, he healed me, dropped off the Impala and then left. I just drove, sleeping in the car, only stopping when I absolutely had to…stopped by a field one night to…you know. There was this massive tree and it was…I couldn't walk away. Didn't realise why it seemed sort of familiar until I touched it and there was this flash of light, I realised it looked like the tree that held Anna's Grace. It was….I can't describe it Bobby. I realised what was happening and had to fight to keep the…my body intact. Was a bit groggy when I woke up but all in one piece. It was weird, suddenly knowing, remembering…I got up and I just knew I couldn't go back, I figured Castiel had things well enough in hand. So I went in after Sam. I knew the Cage wouldn't hold him and that he'd end up a lot deeper in than I was. It was…..just thinking of Sam being there. He was attached to a rack when I got there, being tortured. The demons ran from me and Sam….he was this broken, whimpering mess. I got him off and he was screaming, so scared of me." Dean admitted softly.

"Oh Dean. Is he getting better? Can I see him?" Bobby asked and Dean sighed.

"A little, he doesn't scream and he's letting me closer, even fell asleep with his head in my lap. But he doesn't know me Bobby. All he remembers is hell. I went into his head, stopped the nightmares and started showing him our lives, trying to jog something you know? Found something eventually. He's remembered two things from being kids but….he isn't connecting that the kid in his memory is me. He's so scared all the time and I don't know how else to help." Dean choked out and Bobby closed his eyes.

"So he doesn't remember any of us?" He asked and Dean shook his head. "Then me seeing him….it'd just freak him out huh?"

"I can show him to you." Dean offered and Bobby frowned but nodded. Dean reached out and touched Bobby's temple, showing him an image of Sam in his corner and Bobby shocked back a sob. Sam looked like a shadow of the boy Bobby remembered, he was so skinny Bobby could see his ribs and there were a lot more scars on his pale skin.

"Oh Dean." Bobby whispered.

"And he's put on a lot of weight since I got him out. He was skin and bones then. I healed everything I could but…..scars from hell are nearly impossible to heal." Dean admitted.

"You're doing everything you can for him, that's what matters. Is he okay with you gone?"

"He's asleep." Dean assured him.

"So do I tell Castiel if he shows up again?" Bobby asked and Dean frowned.

"If?"

"I might have….threatened him if he came back without you two. He…..he knew Sam wasn't in the cage Dean. I asked why he didn't yank the kid out and…he said Sam had done what he needed to so why should he." Bobby admitted and then flinched back as outside the sound of thunder crashed despite the clear sky. Dean closed his eyes, trying to control his temper.

"Sorry. I'll deal with him sometime. For now don't tell him anything." Dean answered and Bobby nodded.

"Just stay in contact. I want to keep in the loop on both you and Sam." Bobby ordered and Dean nodded, darting in to hug him briefly and then Bobby was alone again. He slumped and then decided he really needed some whisky.

 

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Dean pulled Sam into his arms and gently combed his fingers through Sam's hair, letting him wake up. Sam blinked sleepily up at him and tensed a little but nowhere near as badly as he often did. Dean smiled at him and then held out the breakfast plate to see if Sam would take it from his hand. Sam sat up and moved away from him a little but then stared at the offered plate warily.

"Come on Sammy, its okay. You can take it." Dean urged quietly. Sam bit his lip but then reached out shakily. He gripped one side of the plate and Dean smiled, letting go so Sam could take it. Sam ate while watching Dean closely and Dean lay back on the bed, hands under his head. The fact that Sam hadn't bolted for the corner was a big step. Sam put the plate down and hesitated, Dean held his breath, waiting to see what would happen. Sam crawled closer to Dean and then knelt beside him, watching him curiously. "Hey Sammy." Dean whispered and Sam reached out with a shaking hand to touch Dean's face. Dean kissed his fingertips when Sam reached his lips and Sam's eyes widened even as he licked at dry lips. "Need to get you some lip balm kiddo." Dean commented and Sam's head tilted curiously. "Sam?" He called quietly, able to sense something was different.

"Nghh…" Sam got out and then frowned.

"Come on Sammy, you can do it, just take your time." Dean urged and Sam traced his lips as if trying to figure out how the movement corresponded to the sounds.

"D…." That one sound made Dean's heart stop for a second. Was Sam trying to say?

"That's it Sammy, you're doing great." Dean encouraged gently, reaching up slowly to cup Sam's face. Sam blinked but then hesitantly leant into the gentle touch

"De." Sam choked out and Dean smiled at the childhood nickname.

"Hey Sammy, you did great." Dean whispered, happy Sam had finally managed to say something.

"De?" This time it was a question and Dean's heart fell. Sam was asking for De, he didn't know Dean was De.

"I'm here Sam, I'm De." Dean whispered, taking Sam's hand to place it over Dean's heart. "De." He stated but Sam just stared in confusion before whimpering slightly. Dean sighed but let go and Sam moved back a bit. Dean sat up slowly and leant against the headboard. Sam looked around the room as if actually seeing it for the first time and Dean watched him. When Sam turned his head his hair hit his face and Sam frowned, yanking at a strand. "Too long isn't it kiddo?" Dean asked and Sam looked at him, yanking at his hair. Dean bit his lip, not sure what to do. Sam seemed to realise his hair was too long but would he let Dean cut it? Was it worth trying? Dean slowly held out his hand to Sam who stared at him. Dean smiled gently at him, silently encouraging Sam to trust him. "Please Sam." Dean begged and Sam slowly reached out with his other hand.

Dean gently gripped it and the tugged Sam who went with the movement. He got off the bed and helped Sam up. Sam's legs buckled, unused to standing and Dean picked Sam up, getting a squeak of terror, Sam's arms wrapping around his neck.

"Shh, it's okay Sammy." Dean soothed as he walked into the bathroom. Sam shivered and huddled into him so Dean altered the room a little, making it warmer looking. Sam peeked and blinked, settling down a bit. Dean gently sat Sam down and walked over to the sink to get out scissors. He walked back to Sam and held them out to Sam, who flinched and whimpered in terror. "Not going to hurt you." Dean promised, reaching out to hold up a lock of Sam's hair. "See, I can cut it for you." Dean told him. Sam looked from Dean to the scissors, looking so lost and scared that it hurt. He gently took Sam's hand and placed it on the scissors, making Sam's eyes go very wide. He moved Sam's hand over them, letting him feel them and slowly Sam started to calm a little. 

"Look." Dean told him and then raised the scissors to his own short hair, clipping off a bit and catching it so Sam could touch it. "See? Won't hurt." Dean promised and Sam chewed at his lip. Dean very slowly held out a strand of Sam's hair and then moved the scissors towards it. Sam's breathing picked up but he didn't try to pull away. Dean clipped it off and held it out to Sam. Sam blinked and stared at it as if shocked there was no pain. Dean cut off a little more and Sam looked up, locking eyes with Dean who smiled at him. "Sure Sam, you look at me instead." He worked quickly and quietly, cheating a little with his powers until Sam's hair was the same length it had been when he'd gotten the kid from college. Dean made sure Sam saw him put the scissors away. "All done Sam." He reached out and gently ruffled the shorter hair and Sam reached up hesitantly to feel it for himself.

Dean smiled and lifted Sam again, moving them in front of the mirror. Sam gasped and started to struggle weakly so Dean lowered him towards the ground, Sam's feet barely brushing the ground. Dean took Sam's hand and lifted it to touch the glass, letting Sam feel that there weren't other people there. Sam froze, panting for air and then Dean made sure Sam could see it as Dean moved Sam's arm again.

"See? It's just us Sammy." Dean soothed, letting Sam touch his own reflection. "Sammy." He whispered and then moved Sam's hand to Dean's reflection. "De." Dean whispered and then he took Sam over to the toilet. It would be nice to not have to clean Sam up whenever he slept.

Seeing Sam in his own waste was not nice and was a reminder of how much Sam had lost. Sam looked at it fearfully but Dean raised the seat and lowered Sam's pants, sitting him on it. Nothing happened except Sam whimpering in confusion but Dean figured that was okay. Took months to toilet train Sam as a kid after all. So he stripped his clothes off and then got Sam up and gently stripped his clothes off. He carried Sam into the shower and started the water, Sam clinging to him. Dean made a chair appear and he settled Sam into it, letting him get used to the water and praying he wasn't overloading Sam with too many new things. He smiled when Sam actually stuck his hand under the spray and then splashed a little water at the kid who blinked in shock. He did it again and then Sam copied him tentatively.

"You splashed me Sammy!" Dean splashed Sam again and Sam splashed him back. Dean couldn't believe it. Should he have pushed Sam months ago? How would he know what was too much? Dean eventually stopped and washed Sam, Sam freezing up when he washed his groin and dean shuddered to think what may have been done to him. "It's okay Sam, won't hurt you." Dean whispered and scared eyes locked on him even as he moved on to Sam's legs and the kid slowly relaxed. Dean washed himself and then got them out and dried, dressing Sam in clean sweatpants and shirt, watching as Sam picked at them curiously. He then picked Sam up and carried him back into the bedroom.

"De?" Sam almost chirped as he looked around the room only to deflate in sadness. "De." He whimpered sadly and Dean gently put him down on the bed.

"I'm De, Sam." Dean tried again but Sam curled up on the bed and closed his eyes.

TBC…


	5. 5

Dean smiled as Sam splashed in the bath like a little kid. Once Sam had gotten used to water he always wanted to be in it and Dean let him, figuring it could only help. In the water Sam's weakened muscles didn't hamper his movements or cause him pain and he could play around for hours with Dean keeping the water warm. Dean would sit beside the large tub and just talk softly while he made sure Sam didn't slip and drown, Sam sometimes listening to him and other times completely ignoring him. Dean could tell Sam didn't understand what he was saying but the fact that he would listen gave Dean hope that one day Sam would understand him, would answer him. Dean wished he could just wave his hand and make Sam better but not even he had that power.

Dean blinked and spluttered as he got a face full of water, staring at Sam even as he heard the most wonderful sound in the world, Sam's innocent giggles. Dean stared at Sam and then laughed, splashing him back gently. They splashed back and forth for a while until it was time for Sam to eat and Dean stood up, reaching into the tub. Sam stilled and let Dean gently lift him from the tub, no longer shying away from him but not helping either. Dean dried him off gently and then sat him on the toilet, something Sam had slowly gotten used to and occasionally used though Dean would still have to clean him up every morning since Sam slept the night through even if he did need to go. He dressed Sam in the usual mix of sweatpants and t-shirt and then held Sam in front of the mirror. Sam no longer freaked out at the sight of their reflections but he still wasn't connecting the images with them. He tried to help Sam do so but then carried him back to the bedroom and set him down on the bed before handing over dinner. Sam's diet at least was becoming more varied, Sam no longer eating like a starved animal all the time.

 

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"How are you boys doing? Any improvement?" Bobby asked as he went about making his lunch while talking to Dean on the phone.

"We're okay Bobby. Sam's definitely not as scared of me anymore; he liked splashing me when in the bath so we have splash wars. He…..he laughed yesterday Bobby, just an innocent giggle, like when he was little." Dean answered softly.

"That's good right?"

"I don't know, I guess…..he's not acting as much like an animal anymore. He's remembered a bit more from our childhood too but he just doesn't understand that we're grown up now. I uh…..I got an idea though." Dean admitted and Bobby mentally groaned, hopefully it wasn't as crazy as some Dean had had. "I heard that." Dean told him and Bobby swallowed at the reminder that Dean was no longer human. "Sorry…so my idea. Make us look like kids again and then slowly age us over the next few days, maybe that would help Sam accept." Dean explained.

"That's either genius or crazy. But if he's not recognising his reflection…..will he see it's him aging?" Bobby asked and Dean sighed.

"I'm hoping he'll recognise me as De….seeing me age maybe it'll make something click."

"Worth a try I suppose. You'll let me know how it goes?"

"Of course. I could come see you tonight?" Dean offered and Bobby grinned, knowing Dean was wanting some company he could have a conversation with.

"I'll see you soon then."

 

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Dean held Sam in his arms and slowly wrapped his Grace around them both, feeling it as they shrank down. When he looked at Sam again he found himself holding a six year old kid. Sam blinked sleepily at him and then froze, a hand moving to touch Dean's face.

"De?" Sam whispered and Dean smiled, leaning into his touch.

"Yeah Sammy, I'm here." Dean assured him and Sam smiled at him, cuddling in and Dean held him, smiling softly as he stroked his fingers through Sam's soft hair. Sam looked up at him again, clutching Dean's shirt, eyes pleading with Dean to stay. "Shh, I'm not going anywhere kiddo." He gently rocked Sam and Sam clung to him. Dean gently pulled Sam to the side of the bed and got off, helping Sam down. Sam wobbled but managed to stay mostly upright with Dean's help. Dean carefully helped Sam to the bathroom and Sam stared at their reflections with wide eyes. Sam touched it and then looked at Dean. "That's us Sam." Sam looked around and then smiled as he saw the tub, pulling at Dean's hand. Dean followed him and Sam stared at the empty tub. "Want water?" Dean asked and then filled the tub, Sam tried to climb in but Dean stopped him, removing his clothes first. Sam smiled and laughed in the water but then reached for Dean and Dean swallowed. That was the first time Sam had actually reached out to him since before hell. Dean managed a grin and stripped off too, joining Sam in the tub to play.

When they got out Dean helped Sam get dressed and back into the bedroom. Sam looked around, actually moving to explore and Dean took it as a very good sign. Sam stayed glued to Dean's side the whole time, still not really able to walk unaided. He looked at the door eventually and chewed at his lip before looking back to Dean.

"De?" He whispered and Dean looked at the door, it swung open and Sam whimpered but when nothing else happened he cautiously moved forward. Sam stayed plastered against Dean as they moved slowly around the upper story of the house. Sam was easily spooked but Dean's presence helped him. It was sad to see that Sam didn't recognise what anything was; he'd been such a bright kid after all the first time around. Dean tried to teach him but Sam just stared at him blankly, still not understanding anything Dean said. Dean kept them upstairs, not wanting to risk Sam on the stairs yet or overwhelm him since Sam hadn't gone near the stairs.

It was just amazing to see Sam on his feet, Sam hadn't even attempted to walk since being brought back, was part of that because Sam thought he was a kid? Couldn't adjust to the adult body? Or was it that what Dean had done? He hadn't truly de-aged them on accident, had he? He mentally hit himself when he realised he had, it wasn't just an illusion, oops. So with a child's muscles Sam was able to walk, he was just having trouble remembering how. After a while more exploring they headed back to the bedroom and Dean created some toys, wanting to see what Sam would do. Sam's face lit up as he sat on the floor, holding the ball.

"De!" Sam chirped and Dean smiled, sitting across from him so they could roll the ball between them. They played for a while until Dean saw Sam fighting to keep his eyes open. Dean opened his arms and Sam crawled over, cuddling into him while yawning. Dean gently lifted Sam up and got them back on the bed, curling up together under the blankets. Sam fell asleep quickly and Dean watched over his dreams, soothing them when vague images of hell tried to intrude.

TBC…


	6. 6

Dean grinned as he tossed the ball to Sam who laughed as he caught it. Dean hadn't bothered aging them yet; Sam had improved a lot so far so Dean figured as long as that continued he might as well wait. He still didn't seem to be processing speech but he reacted to Dean's voice and would reach for him or crawl into his lap. Sam's physical abilities had improved a lot thanks to their games and Sam could walk fine on his own now but still stuck close to Dean.

"Hey Sammy, bath time?" Dean offered and Sam smiled, laughing and reaching for Dean who smiled and lifted Sam into his arms. Child sized or not Dean was still an archangel so carrying Sam was easy for him. Sam watched the tub fill, pulling at his clothes himself in his eagerness to get in the water. Dean helped Sam in and then got in as well, playing in the water with Sam.

 

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"Mine!" The word had Dean blinking in surprise but then he smiled at Sam who was now physically eight years old. Sam was clinging to Dean's arm, eyes wide from the dream he'd just woken from.

"Yeah Sammy, I'm yours and you're mine." Dean promised him and Sam smiled, cuddling into him. He was just happy that Sam seemed to understand more than just their names now. He knew what Dean meant when he mentioned food, baths and several other simple things. His memory was continuing to improve as well. He still didn't remember anything past the age of about seven but it was better than before at least. Dean was beginning to think about bringing Bobby in soon since Sam had a few very hazy memories of the man. But he was worried about stressing Sam out and causing him to get worse.

 

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"Hey Bobby." The hunter turned and had to choke back a laugh at seeing the miniature archangel who rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, go ahead and laugh but it's working!" Dean told him.

"Really?"

"Yep. Sam now says De, mine and no and he has some memories up to when he's about nine or so. At the moment he's ten and there are gaps in the memories but it's better than before. He uh, doesn't remember Dad at all but you've been in some of the newer memories so I was wondering…."

"I can see him?" Bobby asked and Dean grinned.

"If you want to. I'm not sure how he'll react though. Even though he's got the memories he's not acting like an older kid, he still acts like a little kid. At this age he used to be buried in books but now…..he just laughs and splashes in the bath, has fun pushing a ball back and forth…." Dean admitted and Bobby put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"It may be his way of dealing with hell and hunting, as a kid he doesn't have to deal with it." Bobby offered and Dean nodded.

"I've been keeping the nightmares of hell and hunting away though."

"Which is probably a good idea until he remembers more, don't want to overwhelm him. So when can I see him?"

"When he wakes up tomorrow? It'll be easier to take you there now so I won't have to leave him during the day. He's rather…..clingy."

"Not surprising if you're pretty much all he remembers." Bobby agreed as he went to pack a bag. Once he had his things Dean took his hand and then they were in a bland bedroom.

"Here you go. Kitchen downstairs is fully stocked. I keep our room locked unless we're wondering the house to feel free to look around anywhere else. I'll get you when it's time." Dean told him and then vanished again.

Dean crawled into bed beside Sam, wrapping his arms around his little brother, smiling when Sam rolled over to cuddle into him, head on Dean's shoulder. Dean rubbed Sam's back and the kid settled down, one hand clutching Dean's shirt as he slept.

The next morning Sam woke slowly, yawning and cuddling for a while before finally looking up and smiling at Dean who grinned and kissed Sam's forehead.

"Good morning Sammy." Dean whispered, pushing Sam's hair away from his face.

"De!" Sam answered happily and Dean sat up, Sam cuddled up to him. Dean placed a bowl of cereal in front of Sam and Sam ate happily, managing the spoon easily now. Dean ate as well to keep Sam happy, not like he needed to eat anymore.

 

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Dean watched as Sam studied himself in the mirror curiously. The kid was now sixteen and growing like a weed. Sam kept touching his tattoo, something he hadn't had the first time he was that age. He glanced at Dean and then reached out to touch Dean's as well and Dean smiled at him.

"What?" Sam asked him and Dean hugged him, helping Sam into his t-shirt.

"It's protection Sammy." Dean told him and Sam frowned.

"Prot'tion?" He asked and Dean nodded.

"Yeah Sammy, keeps you safe." Dean told him and Sam nodded, leaning back in Dean's arms. Dean kissed the side of Sam's head and Sam smiled happily. He turned in Dean's arms and touched his lips before leaning in and kissing him shyly. "What was that for kiddo?"

"Happy." Sam told him.

"Good." Dean assured him and then they left the bathroom, heading downstairs to the kitchen where Sam sat on a stool to watch Dean cook. Dean put the food down on plates and they ate quietly before settling on the couch, Sam in Dean's lap as Dean read to him. The book was nowhere near the level Sam had been reading at the first time around but it was getting closer to a normal teenagers reading level.

 

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Dean held Sam as he screamed and thrashed. He hated it but Sam had to start remembering hunting, no matter how much it hurt to watch. It worried him that Sam still hadn't remembered anything about their Dad, even in his nightmares but there wasn't really anything he could do about that. He'd tried slipping some of his own memories of John Winchester in but Sam had never reacted to them. At least Sam had gotten better around Bobby, would even stay in a room alone with him now. Their first meeting definitely could have gone better but now Sam would smile every time he saw the hunter, would even call him by name occasionally.

Sam started awake, sobbing and Dean held him, soothing him until he calmed and cuddled into Dean, searching for comfort that Dean readily gave.

TBC….


	7. 7

Dean held Sam as he thrashed in another nightmare, knowing that since Sam was more stable he had to remember the bad along with the good, no matter how much it hurt them both. But he made sure to only let the nightmares through once or twice a month to keep from overwhelming him. Sam jerked awake with a cry, eyes staring around wildly. "Shh Sammy, I'm here, you're safe." He soothed and Sam latched onto him, trembling and sobbing. "You're okay, I've got you." Dean whispered as he rocked Sam. "Shh, come on Sammy, calm down."

Sam whimpered, hands shakily pawing at Dean's shirt and he frowned but pulled it off and Sam's hands wandered over the revealed skin, searching. "No…no…hurt…." Sam stammered, looking up at Dean, confused.

"No Sammy, I'm not hurt." Dean reassured him. "You had a nightmare."

"D…dogs barking." Sam whispered and Dean closed his eyes.

"They were hellhounds Sam." Dean explained and Sam frowned.

"Hell'ounds?" he asked and Dean nodded. "Dead? Not dead." Sam looked so confused and scared so Dean hugged him gently, running his fingers through Sam's hair and Sam cuddled against him.

"Yeah Sammy, hellhounds….I died but was brought back, do you remember?" Dean asked and Sam stared at him, obviously not fully understanding. "It's okay Sam, it doesn't matter." Dean told the physically eighteen year old in his arms and Sam nodded, relaxing gradually and falling back to sleep.

 

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"Hey Sam." Bobby greeted, not sure if Sam would react to him today but Sam smiled at him.

"Bobby." Sam responded and reached out to him so Bobby moved in, hugging him gently.

"You good?" Bobby asked and Sam nodded, bouncing impatiently and Bobby chuckled, giving him the candy bar he'd brought, Sam tearing into it happily. Bobby watched, seeing how happy something so simple made Sam these days.

"Hey Bobby." Dean called as he walked into the lounge room, ruffling Sam's hair and making him laugh, reaching for Dean. Dean grinned and sat beside him, letting Sam cuddle against him. Bobby smiled as he watched them, Dean doing what he'd always done, looking after Sam. He prayed that Sam would continue to heal, that Dean would truly get his brother back but he knew the odds weren't good with Sam still not speaking properly and only reading children's books. But there was always hope.

 

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Bobby looked up at the sound of wings but it wasn't Dean in his kitchen, it was Castiel. "Well where are the boys?" He demanded and Castiel frowned.

"I do not know. Sam is no longer in hell." The angel answered.

"So where the hell is he?" Bobby asked and Castiel frowned, staring at him. Something about the hunter was different…Castiel moved closer and Bobby moved back. "Personal space angel." He demanded but Castiel grabbed him, scanning him, finding the healed liver damage…..angelically healed. Bobby meantime was mentally panicking. Dean!

Hearing Bobby's panicked call Dean appeared and pulled Castiel off him, moving defensively in front of his third father figure. Castiel froze and stared in confusion. It was Dean, but he looked younger and….

"Michael?" Castiel whispered in awe.

"In a way." The other archangel answered. "Bobby you okay?"

"Yeah. Just a little disturbed."

"Good."

"Michael." This time Castiel stated it.

"I'll deal with you in a second." He snapped. He turned back to Bobby since he was honestly unsure how to deal with the younger angel.

"Honestly Dean, I'm not hurt." Bobby assured him.

Castiel watched curiously. This was Michael and yet Bobby called him Dean. And the hunter did not seem surprised to see him. Where had Michael been all this time and why would Dean agree to be his vessel now?

"You sure?" Dean asked worriedly and Bobby rolled his eyes.

"Idjit." The hunter teased and Dean relaxed before taking a deep breath and turning on Castiel, thunder crashing in response to his anger.

"We need to talk young one." Michael demanded and Castiel felt a flash of fear.

TBC…..


	8. 8

Castiel stared at the older, more powerful Archangel, feeling nervous for the first time since the apocalypse had been foiled. He could feel Michael's rage as the angel stared at him. He didn't understand what had happened; the war was over so why would Michael have approached Dean? Why would Dean even consider saying yes after everything?

Dean studied Castiel, sensing his uneasiness, even fear but did nothing to relax him. For leaving Sammy to rot he deserved it. "Explain yourself now." Dean growled.

"What would you like me to explain sir?"

"Abandoning Sam to hell."

"He knew the consequences of fulfilling his destiny."

"He trusted you! Was it all an act? Did you ever actually come to see the real Sam at all or was it just your way of pushing him to say Yes?" Dean demanded angrily. Had Castiel just pretended to be their friend for that year?

"Why does it matter Michael?" Castiel asked, confused by the archangel's behaviour.

"Because he's my brother! And you left him to become one of those things. You deserted him." Dean answered, wings shifting in agitation and Castiel's eyes widened slightly in shock. His brother? Did that mean….was it possible?

"Dean?"

"You think Anna was the first to ever rip their Grace out to be human?" Dean asked and Castiel just stared at him. Michael had willingly fallen to earth, become human? Was that why no one had been able to find him? "They were so set on my fighting Lucifer, I figured if I wasn't around they'd let it go. Guess I was wrong." Dean snorted in disgust while Castiel tried to digest what he learnt. Dean hadn't said yes to Michael, he was Michael. How could they have missed that? There should have been some sign…he'd healed his soul after hell! How could he not…Dean sighed when he saw the look on the younger angel's face. It was hard to stay so mad when he looked so lost and confused. "Castiel." He called more gently and wide blue eyes came up to focus on him. Dean sighed and then put a hand on Castiel's shoulder, feeling him flinch slightly. "Come here little brother." He whispered, tugging the younger angel closer to hug him. He felt Castiel tremble in his hold, scared and confused and he wrapped his wings around him, rocking him gently. He was too you, he should never have been expected to try and sort Heaven out. "It's alright Cas, it's alright, I've got you." He murmured and he felt Castiel slump against him, one hand curled in his jacket.

Castiel clung to his older brother, to Dean, the man he'd fallen for. He was so confused, one minute Dean had been yelling at him but now he was holding him, comforting him. Wrapped in Michael's wins he felt safer than he had in centuries. First Bobby and now Micha…Dean had yelled at him for leaving Sam in hell…..had he really done something wrong? "I'm sorry." He whispered, clinging to his brother and he felt Dean's hand move to the back of his neck, rubbing the tight muscles gently.

"I forgive you Cas." Dean replied softly.

"Sam…..how is he?" Castiel looked up at his superior and Dean sighed.

"Better, he's getting there…..slowly." Dean answered sadly. "At first…..he was like a wild animal. Much longer there and he would have turned." He admitted and Castiel looked away in shame. "Would you like to see him?" That made Castiel stare at him in shock and Dean shrugged. "He doesn't remember you yet so you'd have to remain invisible though. See Sam? See the one he had abandoned to be destroyed and turned into the thing he hunted?

"Yes." He whispered and Dean nodded, stepping back but then taking Castiel's hand and they were suddenly in a house. Castiel looked around curiously, they had appeared in a large bedroom, dominated by a massive bed…..a bed that was occupied. Sam Winchester was curled up asleep, looking so innocent and young in his sleep. Dean walked over to the bed and sat down, tugging Sam into his arms and Castiel realised Sam had been put to sleep since he didn't move at all in Dean's arms. "He is…younger?"

"Yeah. It was the only way to help him adjust. De-aged us both because he couldn't put together what we looked like with the few broken childhood memories he was regaining. He….he's still so broken, so childlike." Dean admitted, running his fingers through Sam's hair. Dean removed his power from Sam and he shifted in his sleep before his eyes fluttered open and he smiled up at his brother. "Morning Sammy."

"De." Sam smiled and cuddled against him.

"You sleep good?" Dean asked and Sam nodded.

"Hungry De." Sam told him and Dean nodded.

"Kay let's get some breakfast." Dean got up and helped Sam up, Sam leaning against his brother as they moved out of the bedroom. Castiel followed, watching as Dean looked after Sam. He felt…guilt; it was guilt as he watched the childlike Sam cling to his big brother. This was his fault; if he had gone after Sam…..he stayed invisible all day, watching them. He only didn't follow when they went into the bathroom but he could hear Sam laughing and splashing in the bath. When the re-emerged Sam was leaning against Dean, half asleep. Dean settled Sam into bed and Sam cuddled against him before kissing Dean's cheek, making Dean smile and kiss him back. "Sleep Sammy, I've got you."

"Will he ever recover fully?" Castiel asked softly and Dean shrugged.

"I don't know. He…he dreamt of my death so his memories are coming back. At this age…he was so smart, brilliant. Always talking, always wanting to learn. Now…" Dean kissed Sam's forehead sadly.

"This is my fault." Castiel whispered a hand half out towards Sam.

"You didn't make him jump Cas, Sam chose to." Dean answered.

 

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Bobby laughed and threw a piece of popcorn at Sam in retaliation for the one Sam had thrown at him. Sam laughed as it landed in his hair, throwing more at the hunter. Dean watched from the kitchen, grinning as they play fought. "Okay, okay settle down you two." He called as he walked over with a tray of drinks. He set them down and then laughed and covered his head as they teamed up on him. "Alright! Enough! I give!" He reached over and grabbed Sam, pulling in to tickle as Sam shrieked in laughter. Bobby grinned as he watched the two play but they eventually settled and Dean started the movie. Shrek wasn't really his thing but it made Sam laugh and that was very important these days.

TBC…..


	9. 9

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Chapter 9

Dean smiled as he watched Sam helping Bobby in the kitchen, well trying to anyway. Sam had never been the best cook and hell hadn’t improved them at all. Sam looked over and saw him, smiling happily. “Dean!” He called and Dean moved closer, Sam flinging himself at him. Dean held him close and Sam burrowed in happily. “Hey Bobby, any problems?”

“Other than this one being a terror without you here?” The hunter asked and Dean sighed, he’d sort of expected that since he hadn’t left Sam’s side since bringing him back.

“You being naughty for Bobby?” Dean asked teasingly and Sam shook his head in denial, biting his lip to keep from laughing. “Uh huh.” He didn’t believe that for a second. He tickled Sam who laughed happily. Sam stared at Dean and Dean stilled, not sure what was going on. Sam cocked his head to the side as he stared at Dean before reaching out to touch a small scar on his face. “Sammy?”

“Hurt you.” Sam whispered and Dean swallowed. Did Sam remember their fight before Lilith’s death?

“It’s okay Sammy.” Dean whispered, hugging him. “It’s okay.” 

Sam shook his head. “No! Hurt you.” He tried to pull away and Bobby slipped from the room, giving them privacy. 

Dean tightened his grip on Sam, gently rubbing his back. “Shh, calm down Sammy. It’s not your fault.” He soothed, refusing to let Sam pull away. He wished Sam’s memory would come back in order or something, why was it all the painful ones that came back first? Dean moved a hand to gently run through Sam’s hair. “You did nothing wrong kiddo.” He smiled as he felt Sam slowly begin to relax a bit in his hold. Dean just kept whispering soothing words and holding him until Sam finally relaxed totally. 

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“Everything okay?” Bobby asked when Dean joined him in the living room later that night.

“Other than Sam’s worst memories coming back?” He asked as he collapsed on the couch.

“Bad memories tend to be pretty strong so it makes sense. But he remembered us too.”

Dean just nodded and closed his eyes. “So other than Sam apparently misbehaving everything’s been okay?”

“All quiet. Whatever you and Cas were doing went well?”

“Yeah. Everything should be right.”

“Do I get to know what you two were doing?”

“Making sure hell was more securely sealed off. Shouldn’t have too many more demon problems.”

“That’ll make life a lot easier.” Bobby nodded and Dean shrugged. They’d even managed to keep his presence hidden while doing so which was good since he really didn’t want to deal with the rest of his so-called family for a long time yet. Not after what they had tried. 

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Sam sat on the window seat, staring out at the sun soaked lawn thinking. He knew there was something….wrong with him. He could tell by the way they acted around him. It was so hard to make everything make sense and there was something….a big abyss and he was terrified to try and go near it, he knew it was bad. Sam pressed his head against the cool glass and closed his eyes, smiling happily when he felt Dean wrap his arms around him. Sam tilted his head back to see him and Dean grinned. “Hey Sammy.” 

“Dean….what wrong?” He asked and Dean frowned, sitting down and Sam curled into him.

“What do you mean Sam? Nothing’s wrong.”

Sam shook his head and then put a hand to his head. “What wrong?”

Dean’s eyes widened in shock and he pulled Sam back into a hug, lost as what to say. He hadn’t even realised Sam was able to tell something was wrong. Trust Sam to be able to though. “There is nothing wrong with you Sam, nothing at all.” He whispered.

“Is too.” Sam mumbled and Dean chuckled weakly.

“You….you were hurt really badly Sammy, it’s just taking time for you to get better, that’s all.” He finally said and Sam frowned, hurt? He didn’t remember getting hurt but everything was all jumbled up and scary. “It’s okay Sam, it doesn’t matter. All that matters is we’re together, right?” Dean asked and Sam nodded.

TBC….


	10. 10

Disclaimer: not mine.

Chapter 10

Dean smiled in contentment as he woke to fond Sam cuddled into him as close as possible. He gently carded his fingers through Sam’s unruly hair and Sam made a soft noise in his sleep. Dean kissed the top of his head and Sam shifted, eyes fluttering open and then Sam smiled at him sleepily. “Morning Sammy.”

“Morning.” He replied, shifting to lie beside Dean instead of half on top of him. Dean stayed still as Sam reached out to stroke his face. 

“What’s wrong?”

Sam shook his head. “Nothing.” He then surprised Dean by leaning in and kissing him shyly. Sam pulled back and looked at him nervously but Dean just smiled at him. 

“Thank you.” Dean murmured and Sam smiled back. He pulled Sam into a hug and felt Sam hug him back. Sam’s recovery wasn’t a steady, measurable thing but Dean could feel it in every hug and see it in every smile. His Sam would one day be back fully. 

\-----------------  
Castiel smiled in greeting and Sam gave him a shy grin in return. It surprised him how well Sam accepted his presence now when it was his fault Sam was like this. But according to Mich….Dean Sam did not remember that yet. Would Sam hate him when he remembered? If he ever remembered? It would be better if he never recalled his time in hell. Who knew the damage it could do to him? 

Castiel sat down and looked at what Sam was doing. It was a puzzle of some sort and he seemed to be doing quite well. He blinked in surprise as a piece was offered to him. “Sam?”

“You play too.” Sam offered and Castiel hesitated but then took the piece and Sam smiled at him again. They spent the next three hours silently working on the puzzle and then Sam cheered as he put the last piece in. “Another?”

“Very well.” Castiel agreed and Sam grinned, getting out another puzzle. 

``````````````````````````  
Sam sat on their bed, arms curled around his legs. He knew something was wrong with him. Dean….Dean said he’d been hurt but how? He didn’t remember getting hurt badly. But everything was all muddled up in his head. He was just so confused all the time. Where was Dad? No…Dad was dead, wasn’t he? Dean and Bobby were here and Dean’s friend Cas. Something about Cas….did he meet him before he got hurt? He lifted his head and looked around the room. This wasn’t Bobby’s or a motel. This was a house. But they never stayed in houses. Why couldn’t he remember? The bed dipped and then familiar arms wrapped around him and he relaxed in Dean’s hold.

“Hey Sammy. Everything okay?” He asked and Sam nodded, everything was fine as long as Dean was there. He looked back at Dean and smiled, getting a smile in return. “Tired?”

“A little.” He admitted, he got tired a lot and it was annoying. 

Dean kissed his cheek. “Then get some sleep.” He murmured. Sam lay down on the bed and Dean gently stroked his hair as Sam closed his eyes to sleep. Dean smiled as Sam quickly fell asleep. It would be so easy to simply slip into his mind and see what had been bothering him but with Sam able to communicate now it felt like a violation to do it without permission. Too many beings had messed with Sam’s head over the years and he wouldn’t be one of them. What he’d done before had been healing and nothing else. Sam shifted in his sleep and Dean gently soothed him, holding him close like he had ever since Sam was a baby. He’d never really held a baby before Sam, angels didn’t have babies. If it wasn’t for this stupid war would Sam have a baby by now? Would he if he were just Dean and not Michael? It was silly to think of it, as long as they were together there would be no further Winchester’s born. Would….would Sam want a baby one day? Would he leave him for a wife and family? If that was what he wanted Dean would make sure Sam and his family wanted for nothing before returning to Heaven, without Sam there would be nothing for him on earth. 

TBC….


	11. ch11

Disclaimer: Not mine

Chapter 11

Sam watched everyone in the kitchen. This felt….strange, not how it should be. Why couldn’t he remember what had happened? He hated not being able to remember or think clearly and they wouldn’t tell him everything, he knew that. He needed to know what had happened to him. 

“Hey Sammy, eat up.” Dean put the plate down and Sam looked at it before looking at Dean. “Sam?”

“Tell me.” He pleaded and Dean looked away. “Dean please.” Sam looked from his brother to Bobby and Cas who were keeping their backs turned, cleaning the dishes. 

“Sam please just let it go.” Dean begged but Sam shook his head. “You don’t want to know, you don’t need to know.”

Sam shook his head again. “Can’t remember! Everything messed up.” 

“I know.” Dean sat down and took Sam’s hands in his. “I told you before, you were hurt. But you’re getting better all the time. Maybe one day you’ll remember and maybe you won’t but it doesn’t matter. You’re safe now, no one will ever hurt you again.” He promised softly. 

Sam made a noise and shook his head, frustrated. He hated this, he couldn’t explain like he wanted to, half the time he couldn’t even figure out what he was feeling himself. 

“Shh Sammy.” Dean pulled him into a hug, running his fingers through his hair. 

Bobby turned his head a little, watching the scene sadly. He hated seeing the boys like this but Dean had admitted that there was no way to heal Sam faster, his mind had to recover on its own or risk further permanent damage. And the faster Sam recovered the sooner he would have to explain everything, not something he wasn’t looking forward too. 

`````````````````````````  
Sam stepped into the yard, trembling slightly as he felt a flash of fear at leaving the house for the first time. Dean was standing a few feet away in the sunlight and Bobby was behind Sam. Sam took a deep breath and moved towards Dean, almost collapsing into his arms. “Brilliant Sam, you’re doing good.” He praised. 

Sam leant against Dean, feeling the warmth of the sun on his skin. It was familiar and yet at the same time felt like something he hadn’t felt in a very long time. “Warm.”

“Yeah, a nice warm day.” Dean pulled back a little and then led Sam around the garden. Sam tentatively began naming the plants he recognised and Dean smiled, that would help with his memory. 

````````````````````````````````````````  
Dean stood on top of Everest, staring out at the cloud covered world. So far the fact that Michael was back seemed to have remained a secret from the others, something he was grateful for. But how much longer would that last? He hadn’t exactly been subtle when he’d gone for Sam after all, sooner or later that would leak out to them. Then what? He knew what they would expect but he would not leave Sam. And with Lucifer still locked away in the Cage there was no way the others could try and use his reappearance to restart the fight. But would that stop the more fanatical of his ‘siblings’ from trying? He wouldn’t let it happen, he would do anything to protect his family and a good portion of humanity. As a hunter he’d seen some of the worst of the species…but also some of the best and he did not want them wiped out. 

TBC….


	12. Notice

I know this is not what anyone wants to read but the time has come. I am sorry for this but I don't have as much time these days and I have really lost interest in Supernatural and Buffy. So a lot of fics are going up for adoption here and on Archive of Our Own.

Only two from Scififan33 – Croatian World

Not Your Sam

Kirallie – Baby Mine

Brothers?

Dawning Power

Double Trouble

Family Secrets Don't Always Stay in the Past

Heavenly Demon

I'll Always Save You

In the Arms of An Angel

Into the Darkness

Magic School

Naruto No Eating my Students!

Oops

Psychic Slave

To Save a Life

Please let me know if you adopt so I can send out the word and multiple people adopting the same story is fine, it means two different looks at the same idea.


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